Ash & Bryan: Troublemakers
by Neo Namco
Summary: Ash Ketchum and my OC Bryan Anderson from 'The Best Pokemon Story Ever' and Poke'mon People's team up by getting themselves into trouble due to their crazy adventures. It's better than you think but CANCELED due to little recognition. but rightfully so
1. The Diary Effect

**Ash and Bryan: Troublemakers**

** _The Diary Effect_**

Bryan-I created this character. I guess I co-created him with my sister. His full name is Bryan neo,namco Anderson. He is a very stupid character(BEWARE). I will use him in a lot of my stories(BEWARE). I thought I could introduce him to you in this short fan fic so you know what he's like. I have had a lot of fun playing with this character and creating him. You will get to know him as I submit more fics. But, he will probably never have a starring role. So he wont be taking any thing away from the main story: Ash and Misty. I hope you enjoy this spin-off of my other fic, 'Pokemon People' which i dont suggest reading really.

Brock: Ok guys were going now are you sure you don't want to go?

Ash: Yes were sure we don't want to go to the women's expo.

Misty: Ok but your gonna miss out on a lot.

Brock: Yeah there's gonna be all kinds of hot chicks there.

Bryan: Brock it's a women's expo there's not gonna be any hot chicks there.

Misty: You guys stay out of trouble while were gone.

Ash/Bryan: Ok.

Brock and Misty, as well as Pikachu, and Bryan's talking Raichu,pulled away in their car and were now out of sight. Ash and Bryan looked at each other with angry looks on their face. Bryan pointed in the direction behind Ash causing Ash to look that way. Bryan then took off running upstairs towards Misty's room.

Ash: Bryan stop!

Bryan didn't stop as he entered her room. Bryan reached under Misty's bed and pulled out her diary. Ash came in to the room and graved the diary. The two were now playing tug of war with the book.

Ash: Bryan drop it it's none of your business what's in there. How would you feel if Misty knew your secret thoughts that only you knew?

Bryan: I wouldn't care. And why dose she put her so called secret thoughts down on paper for anyone to read if she can just store them in her memory?

Ash: That's uh a good point, but now you can't read it please. If you do she'll blame me for it and I don't want to loose my best friend.

Bryan: I'm not your best friend?

Ash: I just met you a couple of months ago of course your not my best friend.

Bryan: Fine then your not my best friend.

Ash: Bryan it's my house and I want you to leave right now!

Bryan: Fine I will!

2 minutes later Ash was now on the couch watching Punked when he heard some commotion outside. He went next door to Bryan's house which was where the noise was coming from. He saw a long line of people at his house. He wondered what was going on. He walked up to the front of the line where he saw Bryan sitting at a table with a bunch of books and a price tag that said 10$.

Bryan: Come on everyone get your diary's that reveal the secret thoughts of a 16 year old girl. Don't be shy come on up.

Ash then remembered that he never got the diary back from Bryan and that he must have copied the diary.

Ash: Bryan you ass hole what are you doing? It's one thing to read her diary but to copy and sell them to the world is just evil!

Ash charged right for Bryan and the two teens were now locked in a fist fight. While the two were fighting the people in line came and stole the diaries. Ash and Bryan looked up and noticed that all of the diaries had been stolen.

Ash: Oh my god! All the diaries are gone and now everyone's gonna know Misty's personal stuff.

Bryan: Don't worry all of those were fakes.

Ash: You mean they all had false information?

Bryan: …No they were all copies this is the real diary.He held up the diary

Ash: I have to put it back under her bed or she'll know that we took it.

Ash placed the diary back in it's prior position under Misty's bed. Ash walked out of Misty's room and in to the living room. He froze at what he saw lying on the couch. First he saw Bryan sitting on the chair next to the couch. There on the couch was a 15 foot crocodile.

Ash: Bryan what the hell is a crocodile doing on the couch?

Bryan: What are you talking Ahhhhhhh!

Ash and Bryan both ran in to the kitchen both of them confused. Bryan explained his story that he bought a baby crocodile and it got to big so he released it in to the city a few days ago.

Ash: We have to do something about it.

Then out of no where Steve Irwin came in to the scene.

Steve: Crikey that's a big bloke! Wait a minute it's a Sheila.

Bryan: Mr. crazy croc hunter we need you to get that thing out of this house.

Steve: No problem mate I'll take care of it for ya.

Steve sneaked around to the back of the croc and prepared to leap on it.

Steve: Oh crikey me arm! Owwww ow ow ow!

The crocodile left after devouring the ex-croc hunter. Ash and Bryan cleaned up all the blood and body parts.

Misty: Were back early because the women's expo isn't even in town yet. So what did you do in your time when we were gone?

Ash: Watch TV

Bryan: That's right we watched TV…then I went in to your room to read your diary and me an Ash played tug of war with it then I made copies of it and sold it to a few hundred people, not counting the ones that stole any. Then there was a crocodile on the couch then the crocodile hunter came and got eaten. There was a bunch of blood and body parts lying around then we cleaned it up and then we watched TV again for 5 minutes until you guys came home.

**The End **

If you read this story...I hope it made you laugh in some parts, this isn't my best work, it's just something I threw together one day, I just made it up really fast as I went along. Same thing with the other chapters following.


	2. The Nightmare During Christmas 2005

**Ash and Bryan: Troublemakers**

**Chapter 2:**

**_The Nightmare During Christmas 2005_**

**That's right! I have continued the story. Here's a Christmas special for you to enjoy. And remember, if you like this story only a little bit, then you will love Pokemon People(Except for the crammed paragraphs and bad mistakes). It has better plots, so check it out. Also, visit my profile for updates. So let's get on with it. Merry Christmas everyone! Happy holidays! Or as Bryan would say… "Just give me my present jackass."**

Ash, Misty, Brock, Pikachu, Kasumi(Misty's baby pikachu) Raichu, and Bryan were all gathered around a Christmas tree. They were about to open presents, as it was Christmas day. (I put in info in this story from Pokemon People by the way, so reading that one will help out)

"Merry Christmas everyone!" Misty said to her friends.

"Merry Christmas Misty." Ash, Brock, and the talking raichu said in unison.

"I wanna open presents!" Bryan shouted after they spoke.

Ash and Bryan began looking around the tree for their gifts, but couldn't find any. "Where's our gifts?" Ash asked.

"We got you something special." Brock told him. "Nothing isn't special…in fact, here, let me." Ash finished, taking his present to Brock away from him.

"Brock and I are gonna go get your gift." Misty said "It's hidden somewhere, and we wanted to surprise you, so we didn't put it under the tree. It cost a lot of money, that's why it's all we got you." she explained.  
"Well then go get it." Ash told her "I mean…oh really? I can't wait to see it." Ash covered up.

"Ok, come on Brock. You two be good while we're gone." Misty told them, and the two people, with the pokemon went out the door.

"So what are we gonna do for the next 10 minutes?" Ash asked. "Why is it ten minutes?" Bryan asked him.

"Misty whispered in my ear that it would be ten minutes, and that I have another present for you later tonight." Ash told him.  
"Really?…for me?" Bryan asked.

"No, me. Your such a selfish jerk…now can you please sell me the gift you got for Misty so I can give it to her?" Ash asked him.

"Ok." Bryan said, and started laughing, but trying to keep it silent. "That will be fifty dollars." he told him.  
"What! Fifty dollars?" Ash was upset at Bryan's price "Where did you get it? Suncoast?" Ash asked.  
"Sorry, late minute gift price." Bryan told her, and held out his wrapped gift, and his other hand waiting for the money.

"I was gonna buy my self a Birdhouse skateboard with this money, but Misty's cool. So I'll spend the money on her. This better be one hell of a present." Ash said, handing Bryan the money.

"It is. And fifty bucks isn't enough to buy that skate board you want." Bryan said, counting the money, seeing he had 80 dollars instead.

"Not a real skate board. A tech deck." Ash said, and began acting like he was playing with a tech deck with his fingers. "I've been practicing with cut up hot dogs." Ash said.

"Tech decks are out of style." Bryan said. "So what do you want to do?" Ash asked. "I don't know. But waiting here for my expensive gift is too boring. So let's go nuts." Bryan suggested.

"Or! We can stay right where we are. Remember the last time we were left alone?" Ash asked him. "Yeah…we watched TV." he said.

"No, not tha-" Ash couldn't finish, as Bryan had leaped on to the tree and began climbing it. "Check it out! I'm Cliff hanger! From the reading lion show." Bryan said.

"Bryan, get down! Your causing decorations to fall off. Remember how Misty was afraid the pokemon might climb the tree and break ornaments…she also mentioned you." Ash said, catching glass balls.

"You caught my balls sicko!" Bryan shouted down to him. "Ahh!" Ash screamed, and he threw the glass balls(ornaments) and they crashed against the floor, breaking. Ash gasped.

"That was Misty's favorite ball!" Ash said, his hands on his head.

"That's what she told me when we were finished…you know." Bryan said, and did the air quotes.(This gesture with the air quotes, means to him 'having sex.')

"Now is not the time! We're gonna be in really big trouble." Ash told him. "Which of the balls was Misty's favorite?" Bryan asked, leaping down from the tree.

"What does it matter?" Ash asked him. "Because then I'll know for when I get her into bed. So which one is it? The left or right?" Bryan asked again.

Ash screamed a warrior scream, and tackled Bryan to the floor. "Help, the Grinch has got me!" Bryan screamed. "Are you guys ok?" they heard a voice ask from out side.

They looked outside the window to see their neighbor, Jack. "Everything's fine, now keep walking Jack Frost." Ash told him. Bryan threw Ash off of him while he was distracted.

"I can't believe I ever liked your singing voice!" Ash yelled at Bryan. "And I can't believe I ever liked that girl that follows you everywhere! Even the bathroom!" Bryan shouted.

This made Ash more angry, and tackled Bryan again, but this time into the Christmas tree, causing it to fall over, and many of the decorations broke.

Ash and Bryan stood there, shocked at the tree's death. "What are we gonna do?" Ash asked. "You already asked that today." Bryan reminded him.

"About! The tree!" Ash pointed out more specifically. "I don't know…well they're gonna be mad at us anyways, we might as well open their presents." Bryan suggested.

"I mean, can we lift the tree up?" Ash asked. "I don't know…the stand is broken." Bryan pointed to the stand, and said "Dun-dun-dun!"

"This is horrible! Now I'll never find out what Misty wanted to give me tonight." Ash said, upset. "She wants to have sex with you under the mistletoe." Bryan told him.

"You think? Then we definitely have to fix this problem!" Ash said, walking in paces, getting nervous. "I know!" Bryan shouted.

"What? Do you have an idea?" Ash asked. "Yeah, lets wait for the Polar Express to come, and Tom Hanks can take us to the North Pole, right? And then we can find out if you believe in Santa with the bell." he suggested.

"We need an idea about the tree!" Ash shook Bryan as he yelled at him.

"I know! I bought Jack a magical remote for his television. But it doesn't work on the TV." Bryan said.

"So, how is that gonna help us?" Ash asked him, his arms crossed. "I'll go steal it from him, and show you." Bryan said, and returned a couple minutes later with the remote.

"Ok. Watch, and be flabbergasted." Bryan said, and pointed the remote at the tree. He pressed rewind, and Bryan was returning the remote, the tree popped back up, the two were wrestling, until they were eventually back on the couch.

"So what are we gonna do for the next 10 minutes?" Ash asked, and the same thing happened all over again.

"Damn it Bryan! It didn't work!" Ash yelled at him. "There's only 1 minute and 34 seconds, 33, until, 32, they come, 31 back with our, 30 gift…29seconds." Bryan told Ash, shaking him as he told him.

"Ok stop!" Ash freed him self from Bryan's grasp. Then a giant blue bubble appeared in front of the two. They both stepped back from it. Soon the bubble turned into…Mewtwo. "Hello Ash." he greeted him. "Mewtwo, what are you doing here?" he asked.

"Oh wow! It's the ghost of Christmas past!" Bryan shouted, and hugged Mewtwo. "Get off me human! I mean…friend." Mewtwo lied.

"I have come here to restore Christmas." Mewtwo explained. "How?" Ash asked. "I have my ways." Mewtwo said, and froze the front door over with ice so Brock and Misty couldn't get in, as they were just getting home.

Then Mewtwo began using his psychic abilities to lift the tree up, fix the ornaments, and set them back up on the tree. "Thank you Mewtwo. How can we repay you?" Ash asked him.

"You can invite me over for your New Year's party." he told him, and began to teleport. "I don't think we're having a New Year's party." Ash told him. "I'm psychic." he told Ash. And then he teleported, with Bryan still hugging him. "Wait!" Ash shouted  
"Is Misty gonna do it with me to-" Ash was cut off by Misty "Am I gonna what?" she asked, walking into the room, with Brock and the pokemon behind her. "Uh…are you gonna dance with me tonight?" he covered up.

"If you want." she told him. "Where's Bryan?" Brock asked. "Uh…he had to catch the Polar Express." Ash lied.

"What an idiot. The Polar Express only comes on Christmas Eve." Brock said, and began laughing.

"Here's your present Ash." Misty handed him his gift. He unwrapped it, to see an X-Box 360. "Wow!" Ash was amazed at his gift.

"Thank you guys." he hugged them both. "Here's a present from Bryan." Brock saw one of his gifts, and started opening it.

"What the…" Brock said, as he opened his gift…then a nail shot up out of the box and into Brock's eye. "Owwww! Son of a…ow!" he screamed, and ran off to the bathroom.

"That Bryan…" Misty laughed. Then she took a gift out from under the tree. The tag hand an x marked on it, and below it said "from Ash." "Ooh, here's one from you." Misty told him.

Ash knew it was Bryan's gift. "Oh no…" he said quietly. He watched as she opened it, sweat dripping from his head. "Have a naily Christmas." she read the card. Ash gulped.

Ash covered his eyes, when Misty opened the box. But he didn't hear a scream, as she started to sing… The Whoville song.

Ash raised an eyebrow at her. "Sorry, I felt in the mood." she said, and pulled an envelope out of the box. She teared it open, and began to read it.

"Dear Misty: This is a special Christmas, because your apart of it. You are so beautiful…and even more importantly, hot. I would be honored if we could have a Christmas roast tonight. There's condom(s) in the box." she read.

She then took out the condoms from the box, and looked to Ash. "Oh Ash, I love it!" she said, giving him a big hug. Then their eyes met… "Do you want to use this present now?" she asked. "Flang-ing-stin!" was all Ash could say.

The two leaned in to kiss…when Misty noticed something on the letter. "Wait a minute." she said, moving out of the way, causing Ash to fall forward on the floor.

"It says 'P.S. flip the letter." she read, and flipped it. Misty read the back…and then slapped Ash across the face, and ran off to her room crying.

Ash graved the letter, and read the back "You're a fat bitch!" Ash teared up the letter, and threw the pieces. "Son of a bitch!" Ash cursed.

**Well I hope you have a better Christmas than these characters. So merry Christmas to you all, and happy holidays. Or as they said on Friends… "Here's to a lousy Christmas…and a crappy New Year."**


	3. Idiots'

**Ash & Bryan: Troublemakers**

(a special extended chapter of the story)

_This is the first new chapter since December 18th of 2005, but ive made sure that this one is a special chapter, loaded with humor. Usually I go back to this story when I need to prepare to write other major stories after a long time off, and this is the case with this chapter. Make sure to check my profile after you read this to be updated with info on story progress for my other fics. Thank you._

Ash- he walked down the sidewalk, whistling The Simpson's theme when he reached his house. He saw Misty standing outside, she seemed very normal. Except for the blue glowing light that surrounded her body. 'Misty!' he ran to her, and then stopped, and backed away. 'Wait a minute. I'm not gonna risk the chance of catching her glowing disease.'

Misty- 'Ash help! It started raining earlier and I began glowing.'

Ash- 'Ok I'll…wait a minute. How do I know your telling the truth. Maybe you're a Misty impersonator trying to kill me.'

Misty- 'Ash it's me.'

Ash- 'Prove it.' he crossed his arms, and smiled, confident she couldn't prove her self.

Misty- 'Uh…uh…oh! Your favorite actor is Jon Lovitz, and the reason is because the scene in The Wedding Singer after Adam Sandler sang his 'Somebody Kill Me' song for Drew Barrymore and then Lovitz said 'He's out of his mind And im getting all the benefits' and then disappeared behind the curtain.' she finished, breathing heavily.

Ash- 'That doesn't prove anything. I posted that info on various web pages and dating videos.' he saw Misty lower her head. 'but then again, your just so hot to ignore. Ok Misty, I'll help you.' he walked over to her, picked up the water hose off the ground and sprayed her with it, the blue glow disappeared.

Misty- she examined her body, and then jumped into Ash's arms. 'Ash! You did it! I ought to kiss you.' she looked into his eyes.

Ash- 'Oh yeah?' he closed his eyes, and prepared his lips.

Misty- as Misty moved towards Ash to kiss him, she then fell to the floor unconscious after a bowling ball fell upon her cranium.

Ash- he looked down to see her lying form. 'Hey! You can't just fake feint just because you don't really want to kiss me.' he leaned down, trying to kiss her, when Brock ruined the tender moment.

Brock- 'Oh my god! What happened to Misty!' he ran over and picked her up.

Ash- 'I don't know. She was about to kiss me and then fell down.'

Bryan- 'I can explain!' he leaped from the roof of the house and landed on his face in the lawn. He recovered quickly and was back on his feet. 'I was bowling on the roof and the ball missed all the pins, rolled off the house, and struck Misty in her head. Then she fell down.'

Brock- 'I've got to get her to a hospital. You two stay here. I'll be back when her status is better. I'd bring you two along but my car's filled with Halloween decorations. See you boys later.' he placed Misty in his Honda Civic and drove off.

Ash- 'Looks like it's just us huh?"

Bryan- he turned to Ash 'Yup. Wanna go bowling on the roof. Im using our neighbor's twenty or thirty or, maybe it's fifty year old wine bottles as pins. I thought I'd get rid of some of his old junk.'

Ash- 'Uh, im kind of tired, im gonna go take a nap.'

Bryan- 'I believe I'll respond with no response.'

**CHAPTER**

**THREE**

**_IDIOT'S_**

Later, inside the house. Bryan sat on his fancy turtle couch(shaped like a turtle) while Ash just sat on a regular brown couch.

Bryan- 'Ah, my couch is the most comfortable one in the world, and it has storage compartments for my sweet sweet glue.' he pulled out some Elmer's school glue and began sniffing it. 'oh yeah. It's like Christmas with Halloween candy and the love of Valentine's Day, also the birth date of Arizona, home of the woman who played Wonder Woman…I think.'

Ash- 'So, my couch has Misty's sweat stains.'

Bryan- 'Some things are ridiculous when it comes to being in love with some one, and that is one of them.'

Ash- 'What the hell are you talking about? Whose in love with someone?'

Bryan- 'Your so immature, Ash. Now be quiet, Jackass is on.' the show appeared on the television just then.

TV- 'Hello, Jackass viewers, I'm Johnny Knoxville and I have a message to tell you all. Due to the sudden sissy illness spread through consequences of our actions, my team is now afraid of being jackasses and quite frankly so am I. So for now on we'll be turning my parent's basement into a teaching center to show what you should and shouldn't do in life. Thank you.'

Bryan- 'What the hell? Damn that stupid Johnny. Ever since that stupid movie where he played a retard he's wimped out. Whatever, guess I'll replace him in my own soon to be series, 'Idiots.' he explained to his friend.

Ash- 'Let's just listen to the radio.' he turned it on and of course words began flowing out the speakers.

Radio- "Your listening to the Frosty, Heidi, and Frank show. And this is in the news…if I can find the article." Frosty was searching for it.

Heidi- "God, Frosty. Your area is full of papers and soda cans and candy bars. Try and keep things neat."

Frosty- "Well it was right here! Oh, where did it go." he said whiny

Frank- "Maybe it ran away cause it was afraid of being eaten by a fat homo."

Frosty- "Oh real funny. Ha ha." he said, sarcastically. "Ah, here it is." he found it. "It says here that just yesterday. A UFO crashed into the Empire State Building. Out came the life forms from another planet. And immediately, the New Yorkers began shouting "Get out of our country you illegal aliens!…"

Frank- "Is that it?"

Frosty- "…Yeah."

Frank- "You don't even try to find interesting stories." Frank put his hand over his face. Frosty- "It's interesting. I mean how often do aliens visit this country? Or planet, even?" Frank- "All the time. Bush is thinking about getting rid of them." Frank reminded him.

Frosty- "No. these are real aliens…green men…with big eyes and big heads!"

Frank- "They're probably just illegal aliens dressed up in alien costumes to make a big joke out of this whole thing."

Frosty- "Well whatever, we'll begin taking calls for your thoughts."

Ash- "Bryan, you should call in and say something."

Bryan- "Well I, like many of the callers don't have a life. I'll give it a shot." he picked up the phone and began dialing. "Wait, I wasn't even listening to what they were saying. So what do I say?" he asked Ash, but as he was about to respond, the phone was answered Frosty- "Bryan Anderson of White City. You're on Frosty, Heidi, and Frank."

Bryan- "Uh…um…Frosty is a fat loser, child molesting, homo." he spat out. There was a long pause, then Frosty and Heidi began cracking up.

Frank- "That's good. I'm gonna give you a prize."

Bryan- "Whoo-to quote Homer-hoo!"

Frank- 'I'm gonna have to reach into the bag of 'S' for your prize.'

Bryan- 'The bag of 'S?' Sounds dirty.'

Frank- 'The bag of 'S' contains stuff that myself, Frosty, and Heidi have put in from our own homes. So let me dig through…ah, this is a…plastic dog bone, with some sort of brown smelly stuff stuck to it. Ew.'

Frosty- 'Oh that one's mine. That's my dog's old toy, and I thought I'd put it in.'

Heidi- 'Oh god. What is that smell? Is that what I think it is?'

Frosty- 'No. I just put in the toy. I don't know what that is.'

Frank- 'Oh my god, Frosty, how could you put this in. When we said bag of 'S' we didn't mean that literally.'

Bryan- 'Boring!' he hung up.

Ash- 'What did you do that for?'

Bryan- 'I couldn't take their bitching any longer. Those three are the most annoying triplets I've ever heard. But maybe I'll call into the Tom Lykes show later…and now to take a moment of my time to talk about these radio talk shows for those viewers out there who don't get these shows in their home town. Look em up on the internet right now, and listen to their shows on line. Sorry for that interruption, but they do sponsor us. Ok, back to the show. Your stupid Ash.'

Ash- 'What? Why the random name calling?'

Bryan- 'Are you questioning my accurate assumption?'

Ash- 'Forget it, I'm gonna go take that nap I've been yearning for.' he walks up the stairs to his room.

Bryan- 'Hmm, maybe it's time to bring my 'Idiots' series to production now. All I need is to find a camera man and an idea-ist.' he rubbed his chin and shifted his eyes around to look for his men.

Then the doorbell rang a second off cue.

Bryan- he answered the door. 'Who the? Oh great. Teens.' two brown haired teens stood in front of him.

Older of teens- he had a camera worn around his neck. 'Excuse me sir. My name's Todd, and this is my friend, Mikey. We were sent here by Professor Oak to ask you, or rather to tell you to help us out. Are you Ash?' Todd asked.

Bryan- 'Why are you carrying a cheap camera from the late 90's? You do know that it's two thousand something now. Get with the present, lame-o.'

Mikey- 'This guy looks buffer than I remember Ash being. When I met him he was much thinner, and he was wearing a hat.' he reminisced.

Bryan- 'No no, I'm not…' his evil conscience, Blind appeared, who looks like the Blind logo for the skate boarding company.

Blind- 'Don't tell them the truth, that's never gotten anyone what they wanted. You must tell them your Ash so you can convince them to be your camera man and idea-ist to start your 'Idiots' series.

See- Bryan's good conscience, who looks like Achilles from Hercules appeared beside him next 'And while your at it, you can ruin Ash's appeal with your non-appealing behavior, and the events seen will be spread through out the land.' then they disappeared.

Bryan- 'Yes I'm Ash.' he finally answered.

Todd- 'Really? I don't quite recognize you as being the same kid I once traveled with for a short time.' he scratched his head.

Bryan- 'Well I am Ash, ok. The only reason I'm not wearing Ash's clothes is because I have better taste than I used to. And my scars shaped like 'Z's' have disappeared thanks to OXY.' Todd and Mikey both looked at each other, and then shrugged their shoulders.

* * *

Sam- Professor Oak walks out in front of the house after the three guys go inside. "Good morning, afternoon, good evening, or good night, whatever the case me be for you. And hi, I'm Professor Samuel Oak. I'm currently here to tell you about the mission i've sent poor Todd and Mikey out on. OH, first let's back track. Todd is the photographer that Ash and his friends once met, and the boy traveled with them for a short time. He's also the kid you take pictures with in 'Poke'mon Snap.' And as for little Mikey, he's the younger brother of the Eevee brothers, and didn't want to force his Eevee to evolve. He also had the hots for Misty. Ok, back to the mission. I sent them out to sight Ash and help the two do "pokemon research" when really they're to kidnap him and take him back home to his worried mother. Anyhow…back to this story.' he walks away.

* * *

Bryan sat on his turtle couch, drinking a Root Beer, while Todd and Mikey sat on the other couch, sitting awkwardly in silence. 

Bryan- 'You guys want to talk about the contract now?' he takes a sip of Root Beer.

Todd- he and Mikey look at each other, confused. 'Uh…contract?'

Bryan- 'Oh. Did I not tell you about my television series?' then he crunched his Root Beer can with his hands, and threw it out the window into the neighbor's open trash bin. 'and he scores! Bryan wins the NBA Finals against the gay Dallas Mavericks. The crowd goes wild. Kobe starts crying, and Mark Cuban starts complaining to the refs, and says 'F u' to David Stern.' he sits back down after his fantasy and stupid dance.

Mikey- 'No you never told us about your television series. Care to walk us through?"

Bryan- 'Certainly, little boy. Ever since Johnny Knoxville and his Jackass team went wuss, I decided to start my own Jackass related series, called 'Idiots' starring me. I will be doing dumb stunts just as they do. Only with one difference…I'm not gonna do them because it's my job, all my events will be part of my regular life, with the camera rolling 18/7!' he explained, standing on the red coffee table. He jumped down in front of the boys 'and I want you two to join my crew. Picture boy, you can be the camera man, and other boy you come up with ideas for what stunts I could do.'

Mikey- 'Uh, why do you need that, I thought you said it your stunts weren't gonna be planned.'

Bryan- 'Look, there's a reason my show is called 'Idiots.' it's because I am one. Now sign my contract.' he took the contract out of his pant pocket and placed it on the coffee table.

Todd- 'This is just a napkin. A blank napkin.'

Bryan- 'I know that. You have to write everything in your contract…just don't put that you make any money cause you don't get any.' he handed Todd a pen.

Todd- 'Could you excuse us real quick. We have to discuss something in private.'

Bryan- 'You guys aren't homos are you? Cause I have a phobia of that sort of thing.' he placed his right hand over his heart in fear.

Mikey- he and Todd walked into the hall way. 'What did you want to talk about?'

Todd- 'How are we gonna kidnap him?'

Mikey- 'I have an idea. I say we go along with his 'Idiot's' thing, and then when he gets knocked out during one of his stunts, we mail him to Pallet Town.'

Todd- 'Ok. Sounds like a plan.'

Bryan- 'You two done making out yet?' he called out

Mikey- 'We certainly are. Let's get to work.' he had a huge teeth showing grin on his face.

Bryan- 'Wow your teeth are white! How do you keep em so clean?'

Mikey- 'I brush them.'

Bryan- 'I see.'

Bryan and the less important guys walked down the sidewalk, strutting like they were all that.

Bryan- 'Ok dudes, stop.' they all stopped in their tracks. "Mickey, have an idea?'

Mikey- 'The name's Mikey. But call me Mike.'

Bryan- 'Geez, sorry I asked. Hey other guy, get the camera ready. I'm a thinking a painful event will happen soon. I can feel it in my shoes.'

Mike- 'Hey I have a question, Ash.'

Bryan- 'Ash isn't here. He's at home sleeping.'

Todd- 'I thought you were Ash.'

Bryan- 'Huh?…oh yeah. I meant my brain's at home sleeping. I call him Ash too.' he covered up his mistake.

Mike- 'Well anyways. Do you still hang out with Misty Waterflower?'

Bryan- 'Of course. I bang her every day every night.'

Mike- 'Oh…' he said sadly.

Bryan- 'Today I banged her on the head with a bowling ball. She has the worst luck around me.'

Mike- 'Oh. You mean you bang her with objects. Ok, I thought you meant something else.'

Bryan- 'Oh? What do you me-' he was interrupted as a giant 'Watch Out!' sign fell on his head and knocked him out.

Man- 'Sorry about that, we were hanging it over the interstate.'

Todd- 'That's ok. No biggie.' he laughed nervously, along with Mikey.

Man- 'Really? Ok…' he took off running 'Ha ha. Can't sew me!' then he disappeared as he fell down a man hole.

Mike- 'That was easy, let's get him back home now.' they jumped onto the back of a moving truck with Bryan's body, jumped off at the airport, and snuck past airport security and into the cargo bin and arrived in Viridian City. They then hitched a ride from a bike gang, the very one that Ash and his friends encountered in 1998, and the gang dropped them off in the forest where they were chased by Samurai, and passed out in a mine field off the coast of Pallet Town.

Ash- he walked down the stairs and into the kitchen, wiping the sleep from his eyes. 'Ah, great nap.'

Pikachu- 'Pika pi! Ka chu pika pikachu chu! Pika pika pikachu chu ka chu! Pika pikachu pika pi!' SHE yelled at HER master.

Raichu- 'Pikachu says Bryan has been kidnapped by Todd and Mikey and that we're out of ketchup.'

Ash- 'Well then, let's go to the store.' he put his jacket and his hat on.

Raichu- 'What about Bryan?'

Ash- 'I'm sure he'll be ok. I'm gonna get Red Barron Pizza!' he said enthusiastically.

Raichu- he sighed '…get some cheese too.'

Ash- 'Righty.' he winks, and walks out the door.

Bryan- his eyes slowly fluttered open, and beautiful morning music played as he did so. He looked around. He was sitting atop a gorgeous green field, next to him were the two brown haired teens. 'Where the hell am I?' he shook the others violently until they awoke.

Mike- 'Hey, what are you doing!'

Bryan- 'Waking your ass up. Now where are we? I could have sworn we were just filming me jump off a mountain on to a safety net below.'

Todd- 'Yes…you did just do that. And now we have a surprise for you.'

Bryan- 'A surprise? You mean, you two are really girls dressed up? Took some cross dressing lessons from James, did you?'

Todd- 'No. Just follow us and we'll show you.'

Bryan- 'Ok. As long as I don't have to walk.'

Todd and Mikey looked at each other. The next scene we see them pushing Bryan in a wheel barrow.

Ash walked into the freezer section of the store, with four blocks of cheese in hand, and two large bottles of Heinz ketchup. He reached in and took the Red Barron Pizza out of the freezer door and walked to the express isle while looking at the magazines along the way: 'Matt Leinart's ex girlfriend pregnant by him-Paris Hilton jealous' 'Less clothing + hot bodies more hotness. This is the new fad' 'Steve Irwin To Explore BIG Hearted Sting Rays' 'D-backs wont pick up Gonzo's 2007 $10 million dollar option. And they reject Barry Bonds and Derek Jeter.'

Ash- 'Interesting headlines.' he reached his stop, and just as he was about to load his groceries on to the self check out, when his cell rang. 'My god. Can't I get a moment of peace and quiet, I hate being such a big celebrity since my Pokemon master title victory, me Ash Ketchum!' he yelled. Everyone in the store turned their heads and saw him, they all started mobbing him for autographs. 'No sorry, sorry. I have a phone call to attend to. Perhaps later I'll sleep with you…and you, oh and you there. Maybe you.' he pointed at the attractive females.

Large woman- 'What about me? I love you Ash.'

Ash- 'Uh…maybe a hundred pounds ago.' he laughed nervously and took off for the empty vegetable area of the store. 'ok hello. Ketchum here.'

Mr. Stock- 'This is Mr. Stock. For those of you who don't read 'Pokemon People, I'm the neighborhood watcher. Anyways, Ash, I must inform you that two suspicious characters from your past dropped by earlier and took Bryan in your place, thinking he was you. I followed them to the interstate, and then they kidnapped him and flew to Pallet Town, probably bringing you, or him, back to your mother, cause she misses you so much, but you refuse to go home because of the Tracy situation, also within 'Pokemon People' people.'

Ash- 'Sounds like a PRETTY good summary of what happened. I guess I'll have to rescue him. Ash out.' he hung up, paid for the food, rushed home, and took a shower. And then went out on his mission.

Bryan- Todd and Mikey pulled up to the Ketchum residence with Bryan in the barrow. "Well, that was about as fun as Lego Land.' he complained and got out, wiped his shirt off and threw a stone at the loud Dodrio atop a house. 'Now where's my surprise?'

Todd- 'Right inside, Mr. Ketchum.' he pointed to the door of the house.

Bryan- 'Oh goody.' he ran around the fence and inside the house with a pikachu on his shoulders. He closed the door softly behind him. Then the voice of Misty could be heard 'Hey Ash, I'm glad your home. I've been waiting to eat your brain.' she entered. 'Oh great, she became a zombie.' then she began to shake violently until she exploded. 'Ahh!'

* * *

Professor Oak- 'Ah. This is a good place to leave off right? Bryan has just arrived in Pallet Town, mistaken for his friend, Ash. Then a parody of the episode when Ash was reunited with Misty was done. And then Misty exploded after being deemed a zombie. What will happen in the next episode of this show? Oh wait, I'm being told this is just a commercial break. We'll be right back after this message, uh these messages…' he began drinking a Coke. 

Commercials: 1) Brad Pitt walks onto a large platform, with flash bulbs going off. "Uh, drink coke and dump Jennifer Aniston.' he drank the Coke and everyone cheered.

2) 'This Saturday on Kid's WB, to become the CW soon, how gay, anyways, watch an all new boring episode of Poke'mon. I forget what the entire title is, as it's really lost meaning, but if you want to see May compete in pokemon contests and Ash and the others sit on their ass, watch it. Or maybe your interested in hearing new annoying and 'cancel that show now!' voices than watch the show. It comes on in the morning some time.'

3) a man stood by a motorcycle with a finger against his lip. He stood there for ten seconds, until a pimp walked up to him. 'Here fool, try these babies on.' he handed the man a box of shoes and walked off. The man put the NIKE shoes on, admired them, and then hopped on to the motor driven bike and rode off. 'Nike. Just do it!' we hear the pimp yell.

* * *

(Back to the show…)

Bryan- he continues screaming from the explosion of Misty.

Professor Oak- he walks into the room. "Calm down, Bryan. It wasn't the real Misty. She was just a robot that was going to be used to entice Ash to stay here.' he explained, and began picking up the pieces. Mr. Mime rushed into the room with a broom and dust pan and immediately began sweeping.

Bryan- 'Uh, Mr. old guy, Misty actually lives with Ash, and he sees her in her gym clothes, and towel, and sometimes her bikini.' he reminded the old guy.

Oak- '…Oh. Right. I thought Misty ran off with that one guy. Well I have several different guys in my head, oh well, never mind. What are you doing here anyways?'

Bryan- 'I'm here for my surprise. What are you doing here?' he crossed his arms in anger. Todd and Mikey both walked into the house through the open door.

Delia- 'Oh my! Where's my little Ash?' she ran into the room at the sight of her hired kidnap men.

Mike- 'Why he's right here.'

Delia- 'Where? I don't see him. Where?' she looked around.

Todd- 'Right here Mrs. K.' he walked over to Bryan and placed a hand on his shoulder.

Delia- 'That's not my son. That's his dumb friend, Dumbon.'

Bryan- 'That's my brother's name. I'm Bryan.'

Mike- 'You mean your not Ash Ketchum?' he asked, shocked.

Bryan- 'Of course not. Where did you get that idea? Tsk tsk tsk.' he shook his head.

Delia- 'Huh? Then where's my Ash?' she asked the boys.

Todd- 'We thought that this guy was Ash. He told us he was.'

Delia- 'I gave you a photo to compare with.'

Mike- 'Yeah, he looks just like him.' he pulled out the photo and it showed Bryan.

Delia- 'It's a double sided photo. Ash is on the other side.' she explained.

Mike- 'Oh. Whoops.'

Delia- 'So my boy didn't want to come home to see his worried sick mother? Hmpf! Some son of mine. Bryan? Do you want to be his replacement until the baby is born?' she asked. PAUSE: If you read Poke'mon People. You'll know that Delia is pregnant by Tracy, and the baby will be arriving soon. PLAY

Bryan- 'Do I get free meals, and will you do my laundry?'

Delia- 'Of course.' she and Bryan hugged.

Ash- 'How am I gonna get to Pallet Town with out the aid of money, seeing as how I have none? Hmm…' (But we don't get to see his amazing trip to Pallet as someone watching this show uses TIVO to skip this part) Suddenly Ash falls out of the sky atop a large piece of sheet metal. He lands in a grass field where a land mine beneath him blows and sends him into the air and lands on top of the roof of his child hood house. 'Wow…I need a cigarette.' he climbed down the side of his house, and in through the open window of his room.

Bryan- 'Hey Ash, what is up?' he read off a sheet of paper(script), and then hid it behind his back.

Ash- 'Bryan. Let's go home. You've been mistaken for myself.'

Bryan- 'Well at first, but now your mom is really upset with you and is using me as your replacement to make you jealous. But boy do you have it good. Your mom lets me stay up as late as I want and makes chocolate chip pancakes for breakfast. And she lets me go swimming instead of showering.'

Ash- "Wha! You've replaced me? No way.' he rushed out the room and into the kitchen. A dark kitchen. 'hello? Mom?' he asked. He switched on the kitchen light and saw his mother sitting at the table, glaring at him.

Delia- 'Hello, Ash. What are you doing here?' she continued her glare.

Ash- 'I came to rescue Bryan, what are you doing here? I mean, damn. Stupid Bryan's way of talk is getting to me.'

Delia- 'Well Bryan is my new son. And he's not going anywhere.'

Ash- 'Mom, your being ridiculous. There's no reason for this. If you were missing me this much, you should have said so. I only rejected your last invitation up here because I didn't want to miss Dancing With The Stars. You understand, right?'

Delia- 'No. now leave this place, and don't come back.'

Ash- 'Mom…what are you-'

Delia- 'Leave!' she yelled.

Ash frowned and left the residence. He ran off crying into the forest.

Ash- he stood at the edge of a cliff now, and wiped a tear from his eyes. 'Without my mom on my side, who will be. I have no point of living.' he looked down the cliff, at the bottom was the ocean. 'I've no choice.' he was about to jump until a cry came out

Some guy- 'No! Stop!'

Ash- 'Huh?' he turned around and saw a band. 'Oh great, it's Good Charlotte. Look, I only bought one of your songs on I tunes because Misty wanted me to purchase it.'

That guy again- 'Don't kill your self, Ash. You have a lot to live for. This world may be cold, but you don't have to go. Not now, not ever. Your feeling lonely, but you have to remember a lot of people care about you. I'm one of your biggest fans, you can't let go.'

Ash- 'Why? I'm not a fan of you guys.'

That guy. AKA: Joel Madden- 'I'll tell you why. Or rather…sing you why.' they started playing a song.

Ash- 'Oh great.' he said, disappointed.

_This world, this world is cold  
But you don't, you don't have to go  
You're feeling sad you're feeling lonely  
And no one seems to care  
You're mother's gone and your father hits you  
This pain you cannot bare_

_But we all bleed the same way as you do  
We all have the same things to go thru _

Hold on...if you feel like letting go  
Hold on...it gets better than you know

Your days you say they're way too long  
And your nights you can't sleep at all (hold on)  
And you're not sure what you're waiting for  
But you don't want to no more  
And you're not sure what you're looking for but you don't want to no more

But we all bleed the same way as you do  
And we all have the same things to go through

Hold on...if you feel like letting go  
Hold on...it gets better than you know

Don't stop looking you're one step closer  
Don't stop searching it's not over...hold on

What are you looking for?  
What are you waiting for?  
Do you know what you're doing to me?  
Go ahead...what are you waiting for?

Hold on...if you feel like letting go  
Hold on...it gets better than you know

Don't stop looking you're one step closer  
Don't stop searching it's not over...

Hold on...if you feel like letting go  
Hold on...it gets better than you know...hold on

('Hold On' by Good Charlotte)

Ash- 'Well at least it was free.'

Joel- 'Ok. Now go show your mom how much you love her.'

Ash- 'Owe! All right, your song was pretty convincing. But how am I going to do that…in an easy way?' he scratched his head.

Bryan sat at the kitchen table in Ash's old seat, awaiting his breakfast from his temporary mom.

Delia- 'Here you are sweetie, I made you the same Eggo waffles I used to make that other boy.' she put the plate on the table in front of Bryan.

Bryan- 'Oooh!' he copied Jame's trademark squeal almost to a T.

Delia- 'And I wouldn't want you to get all messy, so you'll be wearing this new bib.' she placed a bib around Bryan's neck that said 'Ashy boy' with a male symbol below the text.

Bryan- 'Thanks, Mommy.' he stuck his fork into his waffles in slow motion…when…

Ash- he burst in through the door in a dramatic stage, causing Bryan, Delia, Mr. Mime, Tracy, Professor Oak, Todd, and Mikey to take turns gasping(who were all sitting at the table eating).

Ash- 'Lego my eggo Bryan, and for you Mom. I'm here to show you how much I love you.'

Delia- 'Give it up sweetie, you don't have the mindset to figure out how to create forgiving plans.'

Ash- 'Not so fast, baby. Play the 'Tears of life' music from the Pokemon the first movie, movie. You know, the music during the Mewtwo and Mew scene where they turned me into some kind of dead stone kid, and then everyone, but the humans started crying for me and brought me back to life. Misty had tears in her eyes, and was about to cry more until her talking cracked egg had to re-appear out of her back pack and cause the others to smile at it with it's cute eyes and soothing voice.'

Professor Oak- 'Yes, yes.' he found the song on his 'Garbage' play list on his Ipod, and plugged it into the speakers, and began playing the 'song.'

When the song had ended, no one was quite sure what to do, so Tracy started the slow unsure clap, and everyone followed, causing the clap to turn into a real rewarding clap sound.

Ash- 'Well Mom, will you take me back?' he was on his knees, begging his mother.

Delia- 'Was that all?'

Ash- '…Yeah, it took me five hours to come up with that. Norman Grossfield thought it was a good idea.' he explained.

Delia- 'Aww…well the answer is still 'no.' You don't know how to care.' she turned away.

Ash frowned, got up off his knees, took a piece of bacon off the table, took a bite, and headed towards the door.

Delia- 'Ash! Wait.'

Ash- 'Huh?'

Delia- 'I guess I could take you back. I mean, according to Microsoft Word, we're on the 11th page of this chapter. Time is of the essence. And I know you care, blah blah blah.' she hugged her song, and he hugged back.

Tracy started the clapping once again, joined by the rest. Except for Bryan, as he was eating his Waffles.

Ash and Bryan took a flying cab to get back to their home in White City, and were now walking towards the house.

Ash- 'Well that was a crazy couple of hours, huh?' he walked with his arms behind his head.

Bryan- 'I think I left my bib back at your mom's pad.' they reached the house. After fidgeting with several keys, Ash finally unlocked the door with the correct key.

Ash- 'Heh heh. That was like that scene from Saw when the detectives were trying to save that guy from the drills. Though the end resulted with Sing, that Asian detective, shooting the drills, as there were too many keys and not enough time. And then of course that jerk, Jigsaw had to say 'I'm sick of it all' and slashed Tapp's throat. And so on to the exciting chase scene.' when Ash was done with his rant, he looked behind him and saw Bryan running away. He went inside the house, and hung his coat up on the key hanger.

Misty- 'That you, baby?' she entered the room.

Ash- 'Hey Misty, you don't look so good. You look stiff, what was the result of that bowling ball blow?'

Misty- 'Ball blow you.' she giggled.

Ash- 'Heh heh…blow.' he smiled.

Misty- 'I'm feeling kind of hot…think I'll take off my top, and my shorts. And if that doesn't get me cool, I guess I'll just have to take off everything else.' she proceeded to take off her over wear.

Ash- 'Oh my, oh dear, oh whoa. Growling growlerson.' his eyes went wide and his tongue stuck out, and began panting like the dog he proclaimed to be in his autobiography.

Misty- 'Well don't just stand there, come give it to me you hunky creature.'

Ash- 'Ding!' he ran at her, and tackled her to the floor where he began making out with her. 'I'm about to explode.'

Misty- 'Me too.' and that's when she began to shake violently.

Ash- 'Damn, Misty. You sure are turned on.'

Then, she exploded and her parts went flying everywhere.

Ash- 'Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!'

Misty/Brock/Bryan/Raichu and Pikachu- 'Just kidding/chu pikachu.' they all jumped out of the closet and surprised him.

Ash- 'Guys, Misty exploded from being too horny!' he panicked.

Misty- 'Ash, I'm right here.' she waved at him.

Brock- 'That other Misty was a robot. It was Bryan's idea.' he nudged Brock in the arm with his elbow.

Bryan- 'And it was originally Professor Oak's idea.'

Ash- 'Can you make another one that doesn't blow up. Heh heh…blow.' he smiled.

Misty- 'I can't believe you were making out with a robot, with no flesh or G-spot what so ever. I would have done you if I was that horny.' she began to giggle. 'well, gotta go. I'm feeling horny, with Ash in my head, and I'm going to go release my orgasm. Bye.' she waved and went to her room.

Brock- 'Obviously that bowling ball incident gave her brain damage, as she just witnessed you making out with what you thought was her, and she just left like that.'

Ash- 'haha. Yeah. She's one of us now.' this caused the boys and the two pokemon to begin cracking up.

* * *

NOTES: 

.The type of info about to be given is based upon the info you can find for tv show episodes on the site, TV dot com

.This episode originally aired on on September 23rd, 2006.

.This story is a spin-off of a much better fic, called 'Pokemon People' though it starts out bad, because the writer was younger when he started it, it is now pure hilarity and 1 out of 10 readers recommend it.

.In the opening scene Ash is whistling The Simpson's tune.

.The radio show that Ash and Bryan listen too, called 'Frosty, Heidi, and Frank' is an actual radio show that broadcasts in Los Angeles and can be heard all over the world online.

. Johnny Knoxville, Frosty Heidi and Frank, and the band, 'Good Charlotte' all guest star in this episode.

.After Ash says he spent hours working on a plan to make his mom forgive him, he credits Norman Grossfield on saying it was a good idea. Norman Grossfield has been president of 4Kids productions, Gold Coast Television Entertainment, and served as coordinating director for NBC sports from 1991 through 1992.

* * *

QUOTES: 

Brock- 'Oh my god! What happened to Misty!'

Ash- 'I don't know. She was about to kiss me and then fell down.'

Bryan- 'I can explain!' (he leaps from the roof of the house and lands on his face in the lawn and then gets up on his feet.) 'I was bowling on the roof and the ball missed all the pins, rolled off the house, and struck Misty in her head. Then she fell down.'

Bryan- 'Wow your teeth are white! How do you keep em so clean?'

Mikey- 'I brush them.'

Bryan- 'I see.'

Ash- 'Not so fast, baby. Play the 'Tears of life' music from the Pokemon the first movie, movie. You know, the music during the Mewtwo and Mew scene where they turned me into some kind of dead stone kid, and then everyone, but the humans started crying for me and brought me back to life. Misty had tears in her eyes, and was about to cry more until her talking cracked egg had to re-appear out of her back pack and cause the others to smile at it with it's cute eyes and soothing voice.'

Delia- 'I guess I could take you back. I mean, according to Microsoft Word, we're on the 11th page of this chapter. Time is of the essence. And I know you care, blah blah blah.'

* * *

TRIVIA: 

.After Bryan celebrates shooting a soda can into a trash bin, he claims BRYAN wins the NBA championship. Even though Mikey and Todd think he's Ash, they don't question him about it.

.Bryan calls Mikey a little boy even though he is now a teenager.

.When Professor Oak suspected Misty ran off with another guy, he could have been referring to Rudy, Danny, or Lt. Surge(who all appeared on the Poke'mon show).

.When Ash bursts through the door to his home, everyone appears sitting at the table, when just seconds earlier only Bryan and Delia were there.

.The character, Bryan started out on Neo Namco's first series called 'The Poke's' which was never written as a fan fic.

.The network asked the show to display a public service announcement that tells people not to go bowling on their roof before this episode aired.

.In the unedited/Japanese version, after Delia told Ash to leave the house, she slapped him. This was cut from the English dub due to network standards.

* * *

ALLUSIONS: 

.In the opening scene Misty is surrounded by a blue light. This is a reflection from the end scene chapter one of 'High Spirit' another fic from Neo Namco.

.When Bryan jumped off the roof and landed on his face, it is very similar to when he jumped off a roof in another Neo Namco fic, 'Time After Time.'

.Bryan's drink of choice is Root Beer, which is the episode writer's favorite soft drink.

.When Ash comes down from his room and says 'Ah, great nap' it's a reference to the quote from 'Pikachu's Rescue Adventure.'

.Misty is waiting at home for Ash and greets him(Bryan) is a parody of an episode of Poke'mon when Ash and Misty were once again reunited.

.The flying cab Ash and Bryan take to get back home from Pallet Town is similar to the flying cab in the movie, 'The Fifth Element.'

* * *

Thanks for reading, to the few of you anyways. Please read my other stories when given the chance. 


	4. Christmas Special: The Year of 06

**Ash and Bryan**

**Christmas Special**

_"**The Year of 06"**_

_Twas the morning of Christmas when all through the place  
Everyone was waking, even the mouse in the garbage waste  
The stockings were thrown on the floor with rage  
because the group couldn't afford a chimney due to a very low wage_

_Ash and Bryan were watching That 70's Show, with the foreigner, Fez __While visions of nude Misty's danced in their heads_

_And Misty in her sexy lingerie and I Neo Namco  
had just gotten through doing something cool_

"All right all right. No one wants to read another bad parody of 'Twas the night before Christmas." Rudy walks out on stage, his arms crossed in anger.

"But-but-but…I guess your right." I, Neo Namco says, and then the actual story starts:

Ash and Bryan both entered the family/living room to find the Christmas tree glowing bright with it's lights and decorations. They had just finished watching That 70's Show after waking up this Christmas morning. There were many, many gifts beneath and around the tree. The two looked at each other, grinned, and then raced towards the tree, diving into the gifts. The two started laughing hysterically while throwing ribbons, bulbs, and other decorations from the tree into the air.

"What are you kids doing?" Misty asked as she and the tall one in the group named Brock entered.

"Can I open my presents, Mommy, I mean Misty. Can I?" Ash asked, getting more and more excited with anticipation.

"Sorry, sweetie, but you can't open any now. We have to go get some food for Christmas breakfast, lunch, and dinner." was Misty's response.

"Yeah. And we haven't forgotten about the gifts you two gave us last year either." Brock angrily reminisced about the painful experience a year ago…

"Here's a present from Bryan." Brock saw one of his gifts, and started opening it.

"What the…" he said, as he opened his gift…a nail shot up out of the box and into his eye. "Owwww! Son of a…ow!" he screamed, and ran off to the bathroom.

"Your lucky I had put a coat of armor shield stuff for cars on my eye lids or I might have been blind today." he focused his angry attention on Bryan.

"Put it in the past, dude. Tis the season to be jolly, now let me open my stuff you son's of bitches." Bryan shook his fist at Brock and Misty.

"After breakfast. Now you two will stay here and watch Christmas movies or something to keep occupied, ok?" Misty said, getting her jacket on.

"Ta zah." Tracy jumped out of nowhere into the scene, wearing a sweater with a picture of the devil wearing a santa hat.

"Tracy where did you get that thing?" Misty asked, upset.

"At a yard sale. It was only a dollar. I thought 'why not?' I didn't have a sweater and it was really cold out." he responded in defense.

"That was my yard sale." Bryan pointed to him self, showing off.

"While we're gone, Tracy will be watching you two. Cuz we just don't entirely trust the both's of you." Brock said, grabbing the keys to his Honda Civic, and he and Misty were headed out the door.

"Professor Oak and your mother are already food shopping by the way. Bye." Misty waved a kiss to Ash and she and Brock disappeared.

"That puzzles me. Why are they just NOW getting food for Christmas. Doesn't that usually occur before the actual day comes?" Ash asked, confused as hell.

"Who cares. It might make for great story lines down the road." Bryan shrugged his shoulders, not so concerned about the reasoning behind the late food seeking.

"Just seems a little odd to me." Ash scratched his head.

"If you ask me, I suspect them of doing more." Bryan grinned at Ash

"That's not what they're doing." Ash denied.

"Oh yeah? Then explain why Misty took the condom you got her last Christmas with her just now." Bryan said to him.

"Uh…to keep her fingers warm…maybe." Ash said, nervously.

"Hmm…makes sense." Bryan rubbed his chin.

"Who wants to watch a Christmas movie?" Tracy asked, holding classic Christmas movies in his hands, such as 'Rudolph the Turned ON Reindeer,' 'Frosty the Blow Man,' and 'How the Grinch did her on Christmas.' "They're actually all dirty movies, believe it or not." he chuckled.

"Your living in the 80's, Trace. This is the year two thousand and something. It's all about music." Bryan waved him off, and turned on the stereo.

_There's a feeling I'm getting _

_I just can't explain _

_Makin' me glad tonight_

_Maybe it's Christmas _

_Maybe the snow _

_Maybe the mistletoe _

"What the hell? Ash, that's you singing." Bryan realized, Tracy, and the poke'mon recognized the easy to tell voice of Ash. Ash meanwhile was blushing as red as the blood that dript from Brock's eye last year.

_With Jolly old St. Nicholas Before the night is through_

_There's something very special That I'd like to say to you_

_Merry, merry Christmas I'd like you know _

_I'm hoping that I meet someone Under the mistletoe... ('under the mistletoe' a poke'mon song from "poke'mon Christmas bash")_

"That's you AND Misty." Tracy realized.

"Where the hell did that come from?" Bryan asked, grinning at his friend.

"Oh man. Brock promised he wouldn't record that." Ash couldn't believe what he was hearing.

"I didn't know you were a singer. You sound like Elton John." Bryan started cracking up.

"It's nothing. We went to a Christmas party a few years ago, and there was karaoke. Me and Misty got drunk and we had to sing that crap." Ash claimed.

"Well it helped to pass the time." Bryan stated 'But it's not enough time. I must have my gifts now. And I will.' he thought inside his head.

"Excuse me, I believe I have to go take a piss." Bryan said very well mannered in the tone, just not quite matching the words that he spoke, however.

Bryan walked into the bathroom and looked into the mirror. "What to do what to do?" he asked himself. He saw in the reflection of the mirror there was a giant candy cane prop behind him. "Hmm…I could eat that…wait, I have an even better idea." he thought, scratching the inside of his nose. "Whoops, wrong place." he took his finger out of his nose and scratched his chin.

* * *

10 minutes later…Bryan poked his head out of the bathroom to see Tracy, Pikachu, and his Raichu walking towards him. 

Tracy was carrying a stack of magazines. "Maybe with this stack of Playboy magazines I'll have proof I'm not gay." he said, smiling at the poke'mon walking beside him.

"Hey, Tracy, come here." Bryan whispered.

"I'm not a pikachu." Tracy busted out laughing. "Because of the game, 'Hey You Pikachu'…heh-heh-heh…heh." he subsided his laughter and frowned at his lame joke. Then he and the poke'mon were pulled inside the bathroom by Bryan.

A few minutes later they were all tied to the giant candy cane with the aid of scotch tape and Christmas ribbons. "Now nothing stands in my way." Bryan began laughing evilly.

He walked into the living room to find Ash singing silently. "Now there's a crowd at the party. Our friends are all here. Everyone's warm and bright. Maybe I'll meet him, I mean her, where hearts are aglow. Under the mistletoe."

"A-hem! A-chu!" Bryan fake sneezed loudly.

"Ahh! Hi, Bryan. I wasn't doing anything." Ash panicked, and grew nervous.

"Relax, I'm just here to open my gifts." Bryan said, bending down and opening a present.

"But Misty said-" Ash started, before being interrupted by Bryan.

"Who cares what Misty said. If she told you to kiss Brock…would you?" Bryan asked, very serious in his question.

"Well…maybe…NO. I meant to say 'no' as my only response but I wasn't paying attention to what you asked and then I realized, and that's why I stalled." Ash said, nervously of course.

Ash got a straight blank stare from Bryan. "Anyways…I'm opening whatever I choose too." Bryan pulled out a pocket watch and smiled.

"What's that?" Ash asked, curiously.

"This, my bi-sexual friend, is a mind controller. I purchased it for myself just incase a situation like this one presented itself." Bryan explained, continuing his evil smile.

"What are you gonna do?" Ash asked, becoming scared.

"Just watch and be controlled." Bryan pressed a button on the watch, which sent out waves towards Ash, causing him to become completely blank in his expression, his eyes to become not focused.

"Are you under my control now?" Bryan asked him.

"Most likely. What would you like me to do for you?" Ash asked his master.

"I want you to help me open all the gifts here." Bryan ordered.

"Let's do it!" Ash and Bryan started tearing open gifts.

Bryan pulled out a basketball with the number 81 on it. "Oh no. I got the basketball Kobe Bryant scored 81 points with." he said, not too thrilled. "I bet this will be worth something someday." he said sarcastically. "Whatch you get, Ash?"

"I got the shotgun, vice president Dick Cheney accidentally shot his friend with while hunting." Ash responded.

"Great. Later we can go hunting for Cheney himself." Bryan grinned. "Sounds good." Ash nodded, and the two continued ruining Christmas, but it's not Ash's fault, he's under mind control.

"Let's see what else we got." Bryan opened up a bag and pulled out a shirt. "I love Japan." he read. "What?! I do not! That's crazy! Japan is useless. Though the guy that plays 'Hiro' on 'Heroes' is quite funny and my favorite character, Japan is still useless." Bryan threw his new shirt in rage.

"Hey…I got you that." Ash said, growing tears in his eyes. "Since Japan won the World Baseball Classic this year I thought I'd give you that so you can show off." Ash explained.

"Well…I…" Bryan looked into the saddened eyes of Ash and continued speaking "I…don't like it." he responded.

"Eh, what do I care. I got it for free when I went to Japan a couple years ago and fended off a giant Dragonite. It was in the season one finale of 'Poke'mon People', another fic available from Neo Namco. 'High Spirit' I sense is gonna be a great one." Ash tells YOU, the reader!

"What are you talking about?" Bryan gave him a puzzled look.

"I'm talking about this author on fan fiction dot net. He's quite talented." Ash looks out the window to see a man, strong and handsome in his physical appearance. He was wearing an orange Steve Nash jersey and an orange Phoenix Sun's hat, with black pants, and black Nike's. He was listening to his Ipod, and singing along to the tune, 'Welcome to the Jungle' Gun's and Roses.

"There he is! He's so cool." Ash admired him, starring dreamily at him.

"You keep getting more gay." Bryan turned away and continued opening gifts. He opened a small fist size box. Inside was a piece of tissue paper and a small red dot in the middle. "What's this? Misty's period?" he wondered.

"There's a card that goes with it." Ash told him.

Bryan read the card that was under the tissue: 'This is in honor of the 'Red Spot Junior' which was named on Jupiter, as it was strikingly similar to the 'Great Red Spot.' I hate you-Misty.' "She may be hot but she doesn't get good gifts." Bryan stated.

"I think actually she intended to get you a crappy gift. All she had to do was take a tissue paper and pour something red in the middle of it." Ash stated after Bryan stated.

"If people ask I'll just say she gave me her tampon." Bryan tucked it in his pocket.  
"That's gross." Ash made a disgusted face. 'I wonder what a tampon is.' he thought.

"You open one now, Johnny Ash." Bryan ordered, tossing him a box.

He opened it to find a shirt of his own. This one read 'Italy is da Bomb!' "Uh…why is Italy da bomb?" Ash asked.

"Because they won the World Cup this year you goofer. Now put it on." Bryan ordered, getting his new camera ready.

Ash sighed and put it on. "Wait just a sec." Bryan pulled something else out of the box Ash just opened. "Here you are." he handed Ash some sort of doll.

"Whose this? Ben Stiller?" Ash asked, looking at the doll curiously.

"It's Benito Mussolini you nut." Bryan explained and snapped the photo. He looked at the result. "We'll have to do it over. You had your mouth open as if you were screaming." Bryan noticed.

"We wouldn't have to do it over if you would pay attention to what your taking a photo of!" Ash yelled at him, throwing the doll at the camera.

"Seven seconds or less, dude. Haven't you read that book by that one guy about that one basketball team?" Bryan asked.

"No! Now please continue to order me to open gifts. Hopefully one is a burger from Jack in the Box. He just went into the food hall of fame you know." Ash said, drooling.

"Here. I got you this one too." Bryan tossed him another box. "Hopefully it STINGS your heart with joy." he said, smiling.

Ash opened it and found a plastic marine animal toy inside. It was a stingray, and written across it's stinger in red sharpie was "I love Stingrays." "You gotta be kidding me." Ash couldn't believe what Bryan did.

"I know. I made it myself. Well God helped out. I prayed and prayed for something cool to get you." Bryan said.

"You know how much the Steve Irwin incident affected me." Ash angrily said.

"Huh? Irwin? Huh?" Bryan was confused.

"He got killed by a stingray! In September! That's why I continuously sang 'Wake me up when September ends' that month." Ash reminded him.

"I thought that was the Crocodile Hunter." Bryan said.

"Steve Irwin is the Crocodile Hunter! And you just reminded us all about the whole thing!" Ash yelled at him, and threw the stingray.

"Sorry, I didn't know. I wasn't even thinking about the… 'whole thing'" Bryan quoted. "I just thought this would be a cool gift." he admitted.

"You can't just apologize for that. It's completely uncalled for." Ash crossed his arms.

"Michael Richards apologized for calling black men what they are…mother bleeping noodles. And then he got called what white men are…mother bleeping graham crackers." Bryan backed up his apology.

"They never forgave him though. And what you tube version of that incident did you watch?" Ash asked, while looking at Bryan like he was crazy.

"Oh hey. I got a great joke. There's a Superman somewhere in every episode of Seinfeld, and apparently a racist." Bryan burst out laughing.

"I think it's your turn to open something now." Ash said, not too thrilled with the way things were going.

Bryan opened another small box. There was a baseball inside, it was a 2006 World Series baseball signed by all the players of the Cardinals, who won the World Series that year. "Oh cool. Even Tony LaRussa signed it. I'm not touching that part of the ball ever. That guy is old!" Bryan said, disgusted.

"You could sell that on Ebay for a lot of money some day." Ash suggested.

"Pff. I'm all out of baseballs and I finally have another one. Are you crazy? I'm gonna go use this at the park." Bryan then went "PFF!" very loudly.

"But you'll ruin a valuable baseball. Once you beat it with a bat it wont be as nice." Ash reminded him.

"Bat? Oh no. I'm gonna use it to throw at bumbs. It's funny watching them flinch when they're awoken by baseballs. Rocks aren't the same." he said, a giggle forming inside him.

"I guess a bumb will be getting some money then." Ash said.

"Oh I got a joke about homeless people. I always give homeless people money, and my friends yell at me, 'He's only going to buy more alcohol and cigarettes.' and I'm thinking, 'Oh, and like I wasn't?" (At the bottom of your screen a note reads 'This joke isn't original. It belongs to some comedian chick named Kathleen Madigan.')

"I'll open this one now. It looks like an obvious movie." Ash noticed a movie shaped present. He tore open the wrapping paper, which read 'crash' all over it. "Crash?" he held the movie in his hands. "Why'd Brock buy me this crap?" he wasn't very happy with his new movie.

"It won best picture at the Academy Awards." Bryan informed him.

"Don't you think I know that? But critics are the worst critics in the world. I never agree with them. And they were dead wrong with this one. What's it about anyways?" Ash asked after burning a movie he had never watched before.

"Your nightmares that kill you. It's kind of like the Freddy movies, only with no lame acting. Misty only likes him because of his looks. But he cant act for crap." Bryan crossed his arms.

"Are you talking about Freddy Prince Jr.?" Ash asked, raising an eyebrow.  
"Of course. Who else?" Bryan shrugged his shoulders.

"Never mind." Ash sighed. 'I didn't know glue had this strong effect on causing brain damage. But this guy must sniff it constantly.' Ash thought.

"All right! An entire box filled with glue! Thanks, Tracy!" Bryan yelled to Tracy after opening another gift. "Your welcome." we can slightly hear the reply from Tracy in the bathroom.

"Someone's gonna be more stupid by next Christmas." Ash said quietly.

"What did you say? Did you just insult me like John Kerry ACCIDENTIALLY insulted the intelligence of American troops in Iraq?" Bryan asked, hurt by Ash's objection.

"No. I was stating a fact. Like what Kerry said about the troops." Ash admitted. Bryan was shocked, his mouth was wide open. "Oh come on! It's a joke. You can make rude, offensive and usually bad jokes but I can't?" Ash defended himself.

"But my jokes are aimed at my friends and people that no one cares about. You just insulted America with your 'joke.'" Bryan did the air quotes. "America could be spying on us right now you damn fool. Thanks a lot, now I'm gonna have that stupid devil man on my case." Bryan turned away from Ash.

"George Bush?" Ash asked. Bryan still stood standing away from Ash, but nodded. Then Ash started cracking up.

"What? You think that's funny?" Bryan asked, turning back around.

"Hell yeah. That's a great one." Ash continued laughing.

"Heh-heh…yeah. Well lets keep the jolly-ness going shall we?" Bryan said, and they went back to opening gifts.

"This one looks like a movie too. Hopefully not like that Freddy Prince Jr. movie you got." Bryan said, tearing open the paper that had vampires on it. He held the movie's 'Blade', 'Blade 2', 'Blade: Trinity', 'Major League', and 'White Men Can't Jump' in his hands. "Can someone explain these mistakes?"

"Oh. Brock got those for you because of Wesley Snipe's tax fraud incident. When he didn't pay his taxes and hid in Africa." Ash explained.

"That's not what I mean. I mean can someone explain the mistakes of these movies. They're all really really bad. White men can too jump." Bryan said, angrily. He then leapt into the air and landed awkwardly on his feet. "Oh shoot. I sprained my ankle. But I jumped, and that's all that counts. I could beat Shawn Marion in a jump off I could. Probably even Michael Jordan. I don't believe I can fly, I know I can fly." he claimed, sitting down.

"Of course you can." Ash says sarcastically "If they make a Space Jam 2 and your in it, I'll believe you." Ash said.

"Hey I've been thinking about something I bought our neighbor, Jack last Christmas." Bryan started.

"The shirt that says 'I'm ugly!?" Ash asked.

"No. the remote that can rewind time and stuff like the Clicker in Click. That gag was done even before I knew about the movie coming out. Interesting, huh?" Bryan brought up.

"Not really. People are always stealing Neo Namco's ideas. Where do you think Pirates of the Caribbean came from? And all the other high grossing movies?" Ash asked.

"And he isn't getting one peso off them either. It's a real shame. Just like Matt Groening isn't getting any money from Family Guy." Bryan stated and then sighed.

Peter Griffin suddenly appears outside the house and begins laughing his trademark laugh. "Quite Fat Man." Stewie orders.

"This is like the time we all showed up at the Animation Guild Awards. We just didn't belong there." Brian the talking dog says. "We'd show you a clip but we're not suppose to be here anyways." he says and we go back inside to our main characters.

"None of us really like Meg do we?" we hear Peter ask outside.

"Here Ash. Open this gift." Bryan threw him another box.

"It's heavy." Ash noticed, shaking it back and fourth. He opened it up and was stunned by what it was.

"I knew you'd like it. We'll all finally know." Bryan grinned, while rubbing his hands together in anticipation.

"You got me OJ Simpson's book, 'If I did It'?" Ash asked Bryan like he was crazy.

"Yeah. Notice how thick it is." Bryan held it up, a halo appearing over it.

"How'd you get this? They never released it." Ash continued being stunned.

"They happened to have it at your local library. Read to achieve kids…read to achieve." Bryan looks at YOU the reader! "By the way do I have a zit?" he asks you. "Oh wait. That's just a chocolate chip." he picks it off and eats it. "Ew. There was a hair in there."

"Your not thinking I'm gonna actually read this do you?" Ash asked.

"No. but neither am I. I'm gonna look at the pictures." Bryan said, flipping threw it. "Owe! There's no pictures, just words. Graphic words explaining many different ways he would have done 'IT'" he said, and threw the book into the fire place.

"Oh hey. Speaking of 'IT,' there was a planet this year that has been confirmed that it isn't a planet. Can you guess which one 'IT' is?" Ash asked Bryan out of the blue.

"Earth!" Bryan replied quickly and began cracking up. "I'm just kidding, is it Mars? Mercury? The moon? I really don't care." Bryan admitted.

"It was Pluto. The last planet in the solar system. Or what was the last planet in our solar system. Apparently it's something left over from another planet or something." Ash explained.

"I thought Pluto was Mickey Mouse's dog." Bryan thought aloud.

"That's right, but it's a planet too…I mean not. Ugh, whatever." Ash sighed.

"What a pointless topic to bring about. Next time keep stuff like that in your crane." Bryan shook his head in disgust of Ash's conversation topic.

"Now what? We opened all our stuff." Ash informed.

"Hmm…I know what to say." Bryan happily said.

"What?" Ash asked. "Did you know that the one billionth song on I tunes was purchased this year?" Bryan asked.

"Yeah…? So?" Ash shrugged.

"Guess what? I was the person to purchase that song. There was a parade and everything. The only thing is that the song was an embarrassing pick." Bryan started blushing.

"Oh yeah? What song was it?" Ash smirked.

"It was… 'Catch me if you can' by Angela Via." Bryan shyly admits and Ash started balling.

"Oh my god! Your such a pussy!" Ash teased him.

"Ok-ok. Let's talk about something else now. Like Mark Foley." Bryan wanted off the topic he brought up.

"How come? You like him? Do you admire people high up in office that send explicit emails to underage male pages for years, secretly?" Ash asked, raising his eyebrows.

"No. it's just interesting is all." Bryan tried to claim.

"Sure-sure. Whatever you say, dude." Ash started cracking up.

"I'm just trying to review the year is all. Why can't you see that. It's so obvious. Everything we've been talking about has to do with this year." Bryan tried to state.

"I guess your right. Which means maybe I should talk about the fact that the 76er's traded Allen Iverson to the Denver Nuggets, he doesn't like to practice, speaking of the Nuggets, they had a huge brawl in New York against the Knicks in which ten players were ejected, including Carmelo Anthony and also speaking of the Nuggets, they had a game cancelled between the Phoenix Sun's due to severe weather, a blizzard, when the Sun's were going into the match up with a 15 game winning streak, and speaking of the Suns they had the highest scoring game in 16 years, the 4th highest scoring ever against the Nets in New Jersey as they beat Jersey 161-157. Cool, huh?" Ash brought up all this info most of you probably don't care about.

"There were also all the people that took to the streets to protest against a proposed federal crackdown on illegal immigration." Bryan also informs us.

"That's right. And how about Saddam Hussein getting sentenced to death by hanging after the Iraqi court found him guilty of crimes against humanity." Ash continued to inform everyone and everything. "Now what?" Ash asked, a very bored expression on his face.

"We could open other people's gifts." Bryan suggested.

"I don't want to, but your controlling my mind at the moment." Ash said in a very robotic tone.

"Too late!" Bryan shouted as he tore through Brock's stocking. "Ew, movie tickets to 'Rocky Balboa.' No thanks." Bryan tore them up.

"But Bryan, those weren't-" Ash started before being interrupted by the very person who he was trying to tell him something important about the action he had performed.

"It's too late, Ash. I already ripped them up. No use finishing whatever nonsense you were going to bestow upon me and the readers." Bryan flicked Ash on the forehead.

"You bitch!" Ash tackled Bryan to the floor, they rolled over all the opened and non-opened Christmas gifts, wrecking them in their melee.

"Ash! Bryan! What are you boys doing?!" the very loud and upset Delia Ketchum screamed. She was standing there, with Brock, Misty, and Professor Oak behind her. And behind them were some more characters.

"Whose the celebrities?" Bryan asked.

"They were gifts to you two. We went out and gathered some famous stars to be here on this day and celebrate with us. But you just ruined everything." Misty explained, she stomped on the ground with her foot.

"Can we at least see the stars we had the chance of hanging out with?" Ash asked.

"Well all right." Professor Oak nodded.

"We have Super Bowl champion, Jerome Bettis. Known as 'The Diesel.'" Brock pointed to him.

"Uh, it's the train." Bettis corrected him. "The Diesel is Shaq."

"Speaking of Shaq, here's his team mate, and NBA Final's MVP, Dwayne Wade." Delia presented.

"I get that a lot." Wade waved at them.

"And don't forget about the lead singer of U2, Bono." Misty proudly presented.

"Hi there. My band swept all five nominations at the Grammy Awards this year. I beat Mariah Carey for best album and song of the year. Cool, huh?" Bono bragged.

"And last we brought Bob Barker." Professor Oak said, shaking Bob's hand.

"Who?" Ash squinted at him.

"I'm Bob Barker. I've been around for a million years." he tried to jog Ash's memory. "I've hosted 'The Price Is Right' for the last 35 years. I'm retiring next year." he continued.

"Are you the guy that beat up Adam Sandler in 'Billy Madison?'" Bryan asked him.

"You mean 'Happy Gilmore?'" Bob corrected. Bryan nodded. "Yes that was me."

"Cool. 'The price is right, bitch.'" Bryan quoted from the movie.

"But you can't hang out with these stars because you ruined everything. You opened all your gifts when we told you to wait and you opened our stuff too. You two are truly selfish." Misty crossed her arms in disgust.

"But, Misty. Bryan controlled my mind with a toy he got." Ash whined.

"I don't want to hear your lame excuses. You two have really done it this time." Misty was furious at their immature behavior once again.

"Let's teach them a lesson." Tracy came out of nowhere with Pikachu and Raichu, they all grinned, evilly, holding Christmas ribbons in their hands, approaching Ash and Bryan.

Everything goes black as they are taken under their will. We now rejoin the two in the bathroom. Both of them are tied up to the giant candy cane that Tracy and the poke'mon were tied to while they were causing all the mischief.

"Isn't it kind of weird that an elf wanted to be a dentist?" Bryan asked. Deep in thought.

"Huh?" Ash was confused. "In 'Rudolph,' that elf wanted to be a dentist. It's really weird." he said, awed in interest.

"Shut up, Bryan. Thanks to you I have to spend another Christmas locked up with you. Remember last year Misty and Brock tied us to the roof? And now a candy cane. It's all your fault." Ash said, frustrated.

"Don't worry. I have an idea. This is a candy cane right? I'll just lick through it." he said, and began licking it.

"It's plastic, Bryan." Ash informed him. Yet Bryan did not stop, he actually started licking with more force.

"I can help you boys out if you give me something in return." a man appeared in the doorway of the bathroom.

"Ok sure." Bryan nodded.

"Super!" the man started untying them.

"What's your name, sir?" Ash asked.

"Foley…Mark Foley." the man replied with a sinister grin.

The screen goes black and we hear the painful screams of Bryan and Ash. "Oh Mark, you naughty boy." Bryan says, in a flirting tone. "All right I got a PS3! And a Wii! Yay!" Bryan screams last.

_Ash: Now there's a crowd at the party  
Misty: Our friends are all here  
Chorus: Everyone's warm and bright  
Misty: Maybe I'll meet him where hearts are aglow  
Under the mistletoe_

_Ash: Maybe I'll just stand here  
And no one will know  
I'm under the mistletoe_

_With Jolly old St. Nicholas  
Before the night is through  
There's something very special  
That I'd like to say to you  
Merry, merry Christmas  
I'd like you know _

_Ash: I'm hoping that I don't get caught  
Under the mistletoe_

_Misty: Now there's a crowd at the party  
Ash: Our friends are all here  
Chorus: Everyone's warm and bright  
Misty: Maybe he'll find out... You just never know_  
_Under the mistletoe _

Ash: Maybe I'll stand here, maybe I'll go

Misty: Maybe in this Christmas  
I might let him know

Ash: Maybe this Christmas  
I just might get... Uh oh...

* * *

The following celebrities died this year:

(actress)-Shelley Winters, (actor)-Don Knotts, (TV producer/legend)-Aaron Spelling, (New York Yankee's starting pitcher)- Cory Lidle, (TV personality/Animal enthusiast)-Steve Irwin, and (actor, the father on 'Everybody Loves Raymond')-Peter Boyle

* * *

NOTES: 

.This episode originally aired on Monday, December 25th.

.Jerome Bettis, Dwayne Wade, Bono of U2, Bob Barker, Peter, Stewie, and Brian Griffin, and Neo Namco all guest starred in this episode

.The network expressed concern over what topics this episode was displaying. They felt they could be seriously sued for the offensive 'jokes' the bad writer wrote.

.According to the feedback readers entered in 'Ash and Bryan' blogs, this episode was the worst one to date. Their reason being a horrible plot/story with no moral value(Even though none of the episodes have a moral). Damn jerks!

.The original plot of this episode was going to be a spoof of the show, 'Heroes' on NBC with Ash and Bryan going on a mission to rescue Santa Clause from a grinchy character. The tagline was to be 'Save the Santa, save the world.' But the people of 'Heroes' complained about it, even though everyone else was spoofing their original tagline 'Save the cheerleader, save the world', only because this series is too cheap to defend it's self. But when this problem resolves, the story/spoof could be used in a future episode.

'Rudolph the Turned ON Reindeer,' 'Frosty the Blow Man,' and 'How the Grinch did her on Christmas.' are all spoof names of classic Christmas movies. No point in listing them, cuz you all know what the actual names are.

.The song "Under the Mistletoe" which was played on the radio is from the poke'mon album, "Poke'mon Christmas Bash." in which Ash and Misty sing it together.

.Ash tells Bryan he and Misty got drunk at a Christmas karaoke party and sang the Mistletoe song, this is based off of a scene in another fan fic called "How Much Can Happen in A Year" by pikapiaaml. (You will be depressed to learn she hasn't updated the story in two years and most likely never will)

."I'm not a pikachu." Tracy busted out laughing. "Because of the game, 'Hey You Pikachu' is Tracy's reply to Bryan saying "Hey Tracy, come here." 'Hey You Pikachu' is an old Nintendo 64 game in which you use a microphone to communicate with Pikachu.

.Ash mentions another Neo Namco fic, 'High Spirit' and he says it will be a very good story. This is true, and you can all read it for yourselves once your done here.

.Neo Namco appears in this story wearing his typical outfit, an orange Steve Nash jersey and with an orange Phoenix Sun's hat, with black pants, black Nike's. And he also carries around his black Ipod Nano frequently.

."'Seven seconds or less', dude. Haven't you read that book by that one guy about that one basketball team?" Bryan asked. The book 'Seven Seconds Or Less' was written by Jack McCallum. The book is about the Phoenix Sun's, and the seven seconds or less means the time after the 24 second shot clock starts, in which the ball should be shot.

.This is the fourth time Team Rocket has not appeared in the series

.Once this episode aired, many readers began posting their theories in blogs that both Ash and Bryan might be gay, because of some 'hints' given throughout the show.

* * *

**Merry Christmas to all of you, and have a happy New Year! Please check my profile for my list of TWENTY(to date) fanfics I'm working on.**

.Make sure you check out my story, 'The Best Pokemon Story Ever' with Bryan and the other characters. It's a much funnier and better story and it includes a description of Bryan in case you were curious.


	5. The Number 24

**Ash and Bryan**

**Troublemakers**

**Chapter 5:**

_**The Number 24**_

Though im busy on my senior project at the moment. I found the time to write this little story here. Hope you enjoy.

Ash laid on the couch, watching TV. He was watching '24.' "This show isn't that exciting. Maybe I'll tune in during the last five minutes like the preview for the episode told me to do. 'you wont want to miss the last five minutes.'" he repeated the add for the show and took a sip of his Sam's Choice Root Beer.

Bryan walked into the room wearing a yellow Kobe Bryant jersey. "What's happening with yo?" he asked.

Ash sighed. "Nothing. I'm so bored." he moaned.

"You want to go outside and shoot some hoops?" Bryan asked him while simulating the action of shooting a basketball. "It's all in the writs."

"We can't. remember last week you lowered the hoop to six feet so you could dunk it?" Ash reminded him.

"Yeah. So?"

"Soo…you dunked too hard and tore the damn rim down." Ash said, sitting up on the couch.

"I was like Shaq. But hey, they were showing the greatest dunks of all time on TNT in honor of the slam dunk competition. I caught the fever." he said, and took a seat in the recliner.

"Where's Misty and Brock?" Ash asked, taking another sip of Root Beer.

"They went to the store to get two dozen eggs." Bryan responded.

"Why two dozen?"

"Why don't you shut your question asking mouth, bitch." Bryan said, getting ticked off at Ash's curiosity.

"Sorry…why are you wearing a Kobe Bryan jersey? You don't like him." Ash just now noticed the jersey.

"I didn't like him when he was wearing the number 8. But now that he's changed it to 24 it's all cool." Bryan said, examining his jersey.

"Twenty four?" Ash's eyes widened, and he slipped into a flashback.

(Ash was ten years old, and he was sitting at the kitchen table with his mom. "Now Ash, how many eggs are in a dozen?" his mom asked.

"Fuh-fuh-four?" he said.

"No. not four. Count them, baby."

"Oh my goodness, there's twelve. Yay." he said, after counting.

"Very good. Whose a good boy? Whose a good boy? Whose a puppy wups?" she placed him on the floor and rubbed his stomach.)

Ash's flashback was over and he found himself rolling around on the floor. He stopped himself and got back up on the couch. "Let's see. Misty and Brock went to get two dozen eggs. that means…" he took out his calculator and added. "That means they're getting twenty four eggs!" he realized.

"So what?" Bryan said.

"I was watching the show, 24. And your wearing the number 24 on your jersey." Ash pointed out.

"What's your point?" Bryan asked.

"I'm getting to it." he said, and looked at the nutrition facts on the back of his root beer can. "Oh my god…170 calories minus 35 milligrams of sodium minus 46 grams of carbohydrates minus 46 grams of sugar minus 15 of the total carbs minus 4 equals 24." he realized.

"You need a calculator to figure out how much two dozen eggs is worth, but you can calculate that up in five seconds." Bryan raises his eyebrow.

"24. It keeps coming up." Ash was panicking.

"Where did you get the four from though in your math problem?" Bryan asked.

"I don't know but it came out to be 24 and that's all that matters." Ash continued panicking.

"Oh my god your right!" Bryan also panicked and the two got up and held each other in their arms.

"What do we do?!" Ash asked, starting to cry.

"Calm down. All it means is we've been inside too long. We need to get out and get some fresh air." Bryan said, and with that the two went outside and started walking.

They soon found themselves downtown. Every sign they saw on every business they passed read 'Open 24 hours.' The two were becoming obsessed, and scared.

"You wont believe this, but…" Bryan started "Last night I ate 33 donuts and 3 olives."

"So?" Ash shrugged his shoulders.

"33 divided by 3 is 11. And it was on the 13th of the month!" Bryan panicked.

"And 11 plus 13 is 24." Ash realized.

"What does this mean?" Bryan asked, getting on his knees.

"We'll figure it out in the 24 hour dry cleaner." Ash said.

"No. we can't go there. Let's figure it out in the 24 hour photo." Bryan pointed.

The two looked at each other and screamed.

"It's coming for us." Ash said, as he cried.

"It's turning me into a murderer." Bryan took his hands and ripped the front of his shirt open.

"Let's go to that psychic stand over there." Ash pointed and the two walked over to it.

An old psychic lady sat behind the stand.

"We have to ask you to read the future for us." Ash pleaded.

"It will be 10 dollars, and 14 cents." she stuck her hand out.

Ash and Bryan gulped, but handed her the money.

"What do you wish to know?" she asked.

"We want to know what movie will be number one in the country next week." Bryan said.

"Ok…I see 'The Number 23'" she told them.

"23 plus 1 is 24. Will it never end?!" Ash yelled, looking up to the sky, while spinning around.

"Hey if you guys are paranoid about something, go to 16th avenue. There's an old abandoned warehouse where you can hide out." a man walking by told them.

"He sounds wise. Let's go." Bryan started for it, but Ash stopped him.

"No. you have to look at the number first. 16 divided by 2 is 8 and 16 plus 8 equals 24."

"There's just no escaping it is there?" Bryan asked. He got down into a fetal position and rocked himself. "If I don't make it out of this. I want you to bury the glue in my coffin with me. I want to have something to sniff while I'm in there."

"Don't give up Bryan. It's not over yet." he said, putting a hand on his shoulder.

"First we have to figure out what the number 24 means. And then you can give up. Come on my friend." Ash stuck his hand out to help him up.

"You promise I can give up afterwards?"

"…I promise." Ash wiped a tear from his eyes

Bryan took his friend's hand and the two faced each other. "Now. We have some serious math to do." Ash said, very serious.

The two were back at home, sitting at the table in the kitchen. "I want you to know whatever happens. I'll always love you." Bryan said.

"What the hell are you talking about?" Ash gave him a disgusted look.

"Did I say love. I meant 'hate.' Sorry if I scared you." Bryan corrected himself.

"We have to figure out whether the number represents our destiny, or something that's gonna happen to us or something. What do you think?" Ash asked him.

"I think we should order a pizza. I'm hungry. Pizza Hut's cheesy bites are back. And if Jessica Simpson eats them, they have to be good." he said.

"All right fine. We'll order pizza. And you know what else we'll do?" Ash stood up from the table.

"Order wings!" Bryan shouted, also standing up.

"Besides that. We'll shine away from numbers forever. Never again will we look at or talk about any numbers, thus avoiding the number 24 for the rest of our lives." Ash planned perfectly.

"Take that, Einstein!" Bryan banged his fist on the table.

"Einstein?" Ash was puzzled.

"Didn't he invent numbers?" Bryan asked.

"No. he invented something equals something." Ash said.

"Oh. Well I don't take back my statement." Bryan crossed his arms.

"Now. I'll order two larges." Ash picked up the phone.

"Wait. If we order two, it will add up to 24 dollars." Bryan reminded him.

"Not if we get the wings." Ash winked.

"But if you subtract how much the wings cost, it will still equal 24." Bryan informed him.

"Damn. The number is always one step ahead of us." Ash slammed the phone down. Two buttons broke off and landed in front of them 2 and 4.

The two moaned and passed out on the floor. They awoke several hours later, on the couch, Ash was on top of Bryan. "Ahh!" they screamed and separated.

"Hey your awake." Misty walked into the room.

"What's going on? What does the number 24 mean?" Ash asked her.

"Isn't it obvious?" Misty asked, smiling.

"Huh?" Ash was confused, along with Bryan.

"The number 24...is in your mind" she said, with the word 'mind' echoing. "You created an obsession with something that was never really there."

Ash and Bryan's jaws dropped.

(Ash sat on the couch watching '24' and Bryan entered the room wearing the number '24' on his jersey.

"Where's Misty and Brock?" Ash asked.

"They went to get two dozen eggs." Bryan said.

"12 plus 12 is 24." Ash realized.)  
"The early appearances of the number 24 caused you to believe that it could be everywhere and created an obsession." Misty explained.

(Bryan has just set the hoop to five feet in the backyard and dunks, dragging the whole thing down, down on him and Ash.)

"It caused you two to suffer some brain damage." she told them. "And also with the movie, 'The Number 23' coming out it took over your mind. Silly gooses." she laughed at them.

"Thanks for explaining, Misty. But I don't think the surprise ending flashback style was really necessary." Ash rubbed his head.

"Of course it was. Now come eat. We're eating 24 deviled eggs." she said, exiting the room.

This caused Ash and Bryan to jump into each other's arms and scream.

_So take me away cos I just don't want to stay  
And the lies you make me say  
Are getting deeper every day  
These are crazy days but they make me shine  
Time keeps rolling by_

All around the world, you've got to spread the word  
Tell them what you've heard  
We're gonna make a better day  
All around the world, you've got to spread the word  
Tell them what you've heard   
You know it's gonna be o.k.

So what you gonna do when the walls come falling down?  
You never move you never make a sound   
So where you gonna swim with the riches that you found?  
If you're lost at sea I hope that you've drowned 

_All around the world, you've got to spread the word  
Tell them what you've heard  
We're gonna make a better day  
All around the world, you've got to spread the word  
Tell them what you've heard  
You know it's gonna be o.k. _

I wrote this before I saw the movie, 'The Number 23', but I'm planning on seeing it. I like Jim Carrey, even if he's not in a whacky movie.


End file.
